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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Vibrator

This is a first. I never pass along a joke on my blog, but this one I couldn't resist.



As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the
f**k are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
son-in-law.'


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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Blago...not so dumb?

http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/07/17/cstblago.jpg

Gov Blagojevich knows his phones are tapped yet he continues to make incriminating remarks. On heading the Health and Human Services Department or a top-dollar job running a nonprofit organization he said this: "I've got this thing and it's f-----g golden, and, uh, uh, I'm just not giving it up for f-----g nothing ... I can parachute me there."

On Nov. 10, Blagojevich griped the President-elect - "this motherf----r" - wasn't giving him a cabinet post, yet still expected the governor to appoint Obama's choice for senator. "F--k him. For nothing? F--k him." Obama's advisers were "not willing to give me anything except appreciation," Blagojevich complained the next day to an aide. "F--k them."

This is reminiscent of the Nixon years. You know you're being recorded but you say it anyway.

Senate Democratic Leadership announced they would not seat anyone Blago appointed due to the cloud of suspicion hanging over his head. (I guess, what they really meant was, no white guy was going to be appointed.)

So Blago is just sitting around waiting to be impeached. So what to do?


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01214/Roland-Burris_1214005f.jpg

Why of course! Appoint Roland Burris and wait for someone to play the race card.



http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/al-sharpton_pregnant.jpg

Enter....Al (The race card..What's in your wallet?) Sharpton... and the rest of his crew. They jumped on it quicker then a car company looking for a bailout!


Photo

I like this shot. Roland Burris struggles through the crowd like a Black student trying to get into the University of Alabama in 1963. Only to be stopped at the door.


http://farm1.static.flickr.com/227/507815225_9899808169.jpg

Wait... is that George Wallace?

http://nicedeb.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/happy_harry_reid.jpg

No... its Harry Reid blocking him from being seated. Did I say seated? In all the theatrics you can almost hear the heroic Rosa Parks shouting from the back of the bus. "I'm not giving up my seat."

Blago's probably in the Governor's mansion right now. I can see him laid back in his chair, feet crossed on the top of his desk, drinking a beer, and laughing his ass off.....

By the time they get around to impeach me my term in office will be over with. Come to think of it... so what if they impeach me. Clinton came out of it no worse for wear.



As it looks right now, he might be right!

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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Obama's Inexperience Revealed



H. Thomas Wells


H. Thomas Wells Jr.

PRESIDENT, AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION
2008 - 2009

Guess what. He's a lawyer.


http://s.wsj.net/media/nielsen_art_200_20080623080237.jpg

American Medical Association (AMA)

AMA President Nancy Nielsen, MD

Another shocker. A doctor president of the AMA!


http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,6428324,00.jpg

Leon Panetta

Never was a cop.

Never was a detective.

Never rode in a police car.

Can't tell the difference between handcuffs and earmuffs.

Doesn't know which end of the barrel the bullet comes out of.

No Homeland Security or law enforcement experience whatsoever.

Appointed head of the Central Intelligence Agency!

Place your bets now. Not if we are attacked, but when.


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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Truer words have not been spoken









To All My Valued Employees, 

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests. 

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life. 

However, what you don't see is the back story. 

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you. 

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty ToyotaCorolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice. 

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had. 

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made. 

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for. 

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds. 

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why: 

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the USTreasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch. 

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country. 

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy. 

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now. 

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep. 

So where am I going with all this? 

It's quite simple. 

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more. 

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship. 

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about.... 

Signed,

Your boss






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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The More You Know... Caroline




Is she qualified to become Senator of New York? You be the judge.


WARNING: This is so painful only a Democrat could watch it in its entirety!

Personally, I think, you know, like Hannah, you know, Montana, would make, you know, a better Senator.





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